It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this is an emotional support booty call
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
