Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
