just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
