I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
