I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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