I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
