I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
