So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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