Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
