I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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