i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
