I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
