There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
