Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize