The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
