Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
