i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
