You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
