so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
nutella sex= disaster
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
