I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
