There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"