is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
