Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
