I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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