Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
