The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
