If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
