Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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