sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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