im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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