Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
