dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your mouth is God's brothel.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
