I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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