dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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