All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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