Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
