once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
