This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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