Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
