Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
