I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
