woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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