grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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