ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
