You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
