If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
