mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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