Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
BRING THE BAGELS
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
