I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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