While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
