its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
