god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
