My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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