I think im going to throw up on grandma
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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