Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
