I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
