Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
