i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
