I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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