I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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