She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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