One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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