At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
