He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
These tits shall not be calmed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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