sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
